Limits

 The human body is an amazing thing. I loved studying molecular biology because it is fascinating how the inside of the body works together with a thousand other parts to create one working creature. Its beautiful.

 A lot of people I think don't push their limits. I don't know whether it is from fear or anger or despondence. For me this issue comes up a lot both physically and psychologically. I have dealt with a lot of psychological "trauma" in my life and even my fair share of physical trauma, much of the latter was self inflicted. Fortunately as an adult, there are better ways to find that release. :)

Post beating.

 Last night I met with a friend and kindred spirit to test my limits. I was greeted with a table full of goodies she had acquired for me for her. There was a blindfold, a ball gag (my heart skipped when I saw it), two belts, some hooks and some soothing cream. Ominous to some, but for others it fills the heart with blood. We talked for a bit before I pulled out my collar like an obedient little slave girl. I was rewarded for my memory.

 After some debate we went up the stairs to what would become out play room that night. She gave the order to strip. I reluctantly obeyed. I felt exposed, humiliated, and vulnerable. Not many people get to see that part of me, but I didn't have a choice. Part of it was exhilaration. I was tied to cat scratching posts. It may sound strange, I know it did to me at first, but the materials of the posts created a rough bit of friction on my wrists. My legs were spread and the ankles were bound in a similar way. As I stood, hands and feet spread wide in offering, I found myself become a little aroused and thought about the oddity of sexual arousal in the feeling of rope. I've been told that submission is a way to relive childhood experiences so that this time you can get it right. I don't know if I believe that. It does make you wonder though.

 The tools of my exam were as follows: a suede purple and black flogger, a black belt covered in a thin layer of Vaseline, and a switch made from thin bamboo and hemp twine.

 The blindfold was placed on first, followed by the gag. There was little chatter before the test began. Here are my assessments of the instruments:

1. It started with the flogger. Sometimes blunt and sometimes, stingy, the flogger seemed versatile. The blunt force of all the tails striking my thighs and buttocks came with a pleasant sting. Slowly the intensity was increased. There was nothing done with the flogger I couldn't handle. Phase one was a pass. The flogger was the least painful of the three.

2. The belt was next. It was quicker to leave welts and stung in a way the flogger never could. The wide surface area and thin material made the feeling sharp rather than blunt as one would expect. I also found afterwards that there were small bruises left from the end of the belt. This ranked second among the three.

Some of the marks were left by the switch.

3. The third and most painful of the three was easily the switch. I hate this thing. It leaves welts with very little force and stings just as bad. If you apply a lot of force, this happens.

There is a big bruise there today along with the gash.

 I don't know if it was from the heat, the pain, or a combination of the two, I very nearly vomited after this blow. The mark is on the back side of my thigh and my knees nearly buckles with the force of it. The pain was terrible, but I wanted more. My body wanted more. It told me that I would be ok to continue.

 The ball gag was removed from my mouth because of the dry heaving and I was moved to a position lying on my back. After some light frontal work I moved to my stomach, where the intensity slowly rose to where it was before.

Final shot post play. Needless to say I still have trouble sitting.

 The ball gag helped a lot to mute my screaming. Afterwards I was in a daze. The same feeling was present that cutting used to give, but this seemed healthier, more fulfilling. My body was tingling everywhere. I kissed her feet and thanked her as per our usual post-play protocol. My head had a post-orgasm spin to it as I dressed and floated down the stairs.

 I learned a lot about myself and my own limitations last night. I also learned that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I am looking forward to testing my limits even more in different ways. I don't know exactly what it is that keeps me coming back or why I feel so peaceful afterwards. I think the pain offers a sense of absolution and certainty.

This is how I looked afterwards.

Whatever it is, I need it.